Increasing Knowledge and Waistlines

Dear Ms. Understanding:

I’ve been putting on lots of weight lately. I go to school all day. I come home. I eat. I do my homework. I go to sleep. I wake up. I get fat. What can I do?

Expanding

Dear Expanding:

Have you ever tried walking home from school? School must start early in the morning, but that means that you have the advantage of going home before dark. Use it. For every extra mile that you walk every day, you will weigh about one pound less per month. If your walk home is not safe, take the bus. When you get home, use the extra time otherwise spent walking home to walk around the house. Better yet, turn on some music and dance to it. If you don’t have a partner, get a wooden chair–just like Elvis. Let’s rock! You see how much good all that gyratin’ did for Elvis.

Did you ask your folks to get you a dog? Get a really big, mean looking one, and you can walk the dog all night, and nobody will bother you. Ms. Understanding does it all the time.

After all this shuckin’ & jivin’, one fact stands out. None of us uses our time as wisely as we can. You have at least five hours between getting home and going to bed. If you spend three on homework and 30 minutes on dinner, that leaves an hour and a half. Use it and you’ll lose it–the weight, that is. Besides, if your social life disappears because you stay off the phone, that’s all for the better, because it leaves more time for taking a stroll–if it’s safe to do so.

If all else fails, see your doctor and ask for some diet pills.